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  1. #1
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    Mặc định Essay writing, I need your help to revise my essay.

    Hi my friends, plz help me to revise my essay, thank you:

    Some people dislike pests, other love them so much. However, in my opinion human should treat pets as beloved people, I believe this because pets have the right to live and pets have feelings as human. The following are my explanation.


    To begin with, all of us including human and pests are living things that all own the right to live and to exist in this world. As human, pets are born and to live their lives including eating, breathing, resting. In fact, people bring them into our house due to its benefits such as guarding houses, entertaining, playing with children, or decorating. Therefore, we must treat them as a usual member of a family. For instance, Haichi is a famous movie that describe a faithful dog that function as a pet in a university professor’s house, the professor and the dog usually playing with each other after school, and Haichi express his faithfulness by always following his master to the railway station on every morning and come there to waiting at last afternoon as his returning. I think that is enough for us to respect such pet and treat them as a family member.


    In addition, pets also can express their feelings as love, hatred, happiness, and joyfulness like human beings. We should regard them as human and respect them as we treat human due to their smart and caring to us. One of clear and extreme emotional feelings that bring to me after I watch the movie Haichiko is his love and faithfulness to his master, a university professor. Every morning seeing his master to the platform, and come to wait the professor’s return at every 3 pm everyday. Unfortunately, in one day the professor had heart attack while he was lecturing and he never came back home, but Haichi was patient to come the platform to wait the professor every day despite of coming rain or sunshine. Such so much emotional action of the loving and faithful dog cannot keep us out of loving pets.


    However, in reality one may argue that pets may be unsafe or useless; people have other privilege including other family member or social relations to take care. I strongly oppose this thinking, for example old person may make friends with dogs or cats, they are the good thing to play with, they almost beside these alone old people, we cannot always stay with them all days due to working, and some of dogs may replace our responsibility effectively.


    In conclusion, pest as human have the right to live because of their great benefit, they also love people and make them happy. There is no reason to take care of them carefully and treat them as human beings. I always support and encourage people live with pest, it make our lives happier and more meaning.


  2. #2
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    Trích Nguyên văn bởi alpha8189 Xem bài viết
    Hi my friends, plz help me to revise my essay, thank you:

    Some people dislike pests, others love them so much. However, in my opinion, human should treat( I think CONSIDER would be better) pets as beloved people ( well, what do u think about FRIENDS ) , I believe this( you have already used IN MY OPINION; therefore, I BELIEVE THIS mustn't be used here) because pets have the right to live and pets ( THEY should be here to avoid repetition) have feelings as human. The following are my explanations.


    To begin with, all of us including humans and pests are living things ( I think you should use creatures instead^^ ) that all own retain the right to live and to exist in this world. As humans, pets are were born and to live their lives including eating, breathing, resting. In fact, people bring them into our their house due to thanks to ( due to is a negative phrases ) its benefits such as guarding houses, entertaining, playing with children, or decorating. Therefore, we must treat them they should be treated as a usual member of a family family member. For instance, Haichi is a famous movie that describes a faithful dog that function ( well, i don't think this word is appropriate in this case ^^) as a pet in a university professor’s house, the professor and the dog usually playing with each other after school ( what do u really mean here ? ), and Haichi expresses his faithfulness by always following his master to the railway station on ( remember, NO preposition is needed here ^^) every morning and coming ( u need to ensure parallelism ^^) there to wait ( To means purpose of the action, so just need Verb, not V-ing ) at last afternoon as his returning. I think that is enough for us to respect such pet and treat them as a family member.

    Well, i cannot see the connection between your example and your topic sentence, u need to clarify it before giving supporting details .

    For instance, u can point out why pets should be considered as best friends first ( eg: their importance, faithfulness, ect ) . Then, use Haichi as an example. However, remember that your example has to be explained in the way that can support your ideas. Don't just tell stories or list a lot things but not give any thoughtful explanations



    In addition, pets also can express their feelings as love, hatred, happiness, and joyfulness like human beings. We should regard them as humans and respect them as we treat human due to because of their smart and caring intelligence and care to us. One of clear and extremely emotional feelings that bring to me after I watch the movie Haichiko is his love and faithfulness to his master, a university professor. Every morning seeing his master to the platform, and come to wait the professor’s return at every 3 pm everyday. Unfortunately, in one day the professor had heart attack while he was lecturing and he never came back home, but Haichi was patient to come the platform to wait the professor every day despite of coming rain or sunshine. Such so much emotional action of the loving and faithful dog cannot keep us out of loving pets.

    Well, when u use Haichi as an example more than once in your essay, the second time u use it, u don't need to describe the story again ( i mean what u've told in the second paragraph )

    Furthermore, as i said before, it is of importance to give the examples a lot of thoughts before deciding to use them in your essay . Remember, examples are essays' support, so dont underestimate their value ^^. U can use more than one example to vary and colour ur essay , so why dont u try doing this ?

    However, in reality one may a great number of people argue that pets may be unsafe or useless; people have other privilege including other family member or social relations to take care. I strongly oppose this thinking, for example old person may make friends with dogs or cats, they are the good things to play with, they are almost beside these alone old people, we cannot always stay with them all days due to working, and some of dogs may replace our responsibility effectively.

    Hmm, this paragraph isnt persuasive enough. I mean your topic sentence isnt clear . I can see your point, but dont u think it is off topic ? or a repeated idea ?

    In conclusion, pests as human have the right to live because of their great benefits, they also love people and make them happy. There is no reason to take care of them carefully and treat them as human beings ( can't get your point here) . I always support and encourage people live with pest, it makes our lives happier and more meaning.
    Nói tiếng Việt cho nhanh nào , có quá nhiều vấn đề

    1. Ngữ pháp: bạn nên chú ý đọc lại bài trước khi post ha, nhất là kiểm tra về lỗi ngữ pháp , chia động từ sai là 1 lỗi cực kì nặng trong phần viết đấy nhá

    2. Bài viết của bạn dùng chủ từ rất là loạn xị ngậu . Đã dùng PEOPLE thì đừng dùng I và WE vào đó nữa . Bài viết của mình là academic nên hạn chế dùng I WE ha bạn

    3. Có một số đoạn bạn dùng từ không được chuẩn lắm về nghĩa, cái này bạn nên tham khảo ở từ điển collocation và đọc thêm sách báo để rèn luyện về từ và sử dụng nó đa dạng hơn

    4. Có vẻ như bạn không outline trước khi viết hoặc lạm dụng văn việt quá vào bài của mình ^^ . Hãy viết cái topic của mình thật to lên giấy, lần lượt đặt câu hỏi WHY, HOW để tìm được ý cho bài của mình ha

    5. Về cách lấy ví dụ thì như t đã nói trong bài ùi đó, bạn nên đa dạng hóa ví dụ của mình hơn, có thể dùng 1 để làm nổi ý cả bài ( muốn làm cái này bạn nên đọc thêm các bài essays của SAT ^^ ), nhưng tớ không khuyến khích bạn làm thế này lắm bởi cái này nó ở tầm khá là cao ( nhưng k có nghĩa là k thể làm được )

    Ui lâu k vô box writing, chém gió vài phát cho vui nhà vui cửa, đừng giận hay tự ái gì ha

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  3. 3 thành viên cám ơn ha_a4_cva v́ bài viết hữu ích

    3112423 (21-02-2012),alpha8189 (15-01-2012),tuanlong (14-01-2012)

  4. #3
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    tiểu thư mini vẫn chÆ°a cĂ³ mặt trong diá»…n Ä‘Ă n Phụ trách chuyên mục Tiếng Anh lớp 12
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    Trích Nguyên văn bởi alpha8189 Xem bài viết
    Hi my friends, plz help me to revise my essay, thank you:

    Some people dislike pests(pets), other(some others) love them so much. However, in my opinion human should treat pets as beloved people, I believe this because pets have the right to live and pets have(từ này nên bỏ đi) feelings as human. The following are my explanation.


    To begin with, all of us including human and pests(pets) are living things that all own the right to live and to exist in this world. As human, pets are born and to live their lives including(sao bạn không viết là: lived their life with) eating, breathing, resting. In fact, people bring them into our house due to its benefits such as guarding houses, entertaining, playing with children, or decorating. Therefore, we must treat them as a usual member of a(our)family. For instance, Haichi is a famous movie that describe(s) a faithful dog that(bỏ)(it have the) function as a pet in a university professor’s house,(.) the professor and the dog usually playing(plays) with each other after school, and Haichi(always) express(es) his faithfulness by always(bỏ) following his master to the railway station on every morning and come (coming)there to waiting(for) at last afternoon as his retưrning Tóm lại câu này bạn viết rất lăng, nhằng, câu dài lại không đung ngữ pháp). I think that is enough for us to respect such pet and treat them( and treat pets) as a(bỏ) family member(s).


    In addition, pets also can express their feelings as (such as) love, hatred, happiness, and joyfulness like human beings. We should regard and(respect) them as human and respect them as we treat human(bỏ) due to their smart and caring to us. One of clear and extreme(ly) emotional feelings( sao bạn không viết là: I always have some feelings which) bring to me after I watch(ed) the movie Haichiko (. Perhaps bening) is (bỏ)his love and faithfulness to his master, a university professor. Every morning seeing(when he sees) his master(come) to the platform, and come to(bỏ) wait the professor’s return at every(bỏ) 3 pm everyday. Unfortunately, in(bỏ) one day the professor had heart attack while he was lecturing and.(Although) he never came back home, but (bỏ) Haichi was patient to come the platform to wait the professor every day despite of coming rain or sunshine. Such so much emotional action of the loving and faithful dog cannot keep us out of loving pets.( câu này lủng củng quá)


    However, in reality one may argue that pets may be unsafe or useless; people have other privilege including other family member or social relations to take care. I strongly oppose this thinking, for example old person may make friends with dogs or cats, they are the good thing to play with, they almost beside these alone old people, we cannot always stay with them all days due to working, and some of dogs may replace our responsibility effectively.


    In conclusion, pest as human have the right to live because of their great benefit, they also love people and make them happy. There is no reason to take care of them carefully and treat them as human beings. I always support and encourage people live with pest, it make our lives happier and more meaning.
    Ui thôi, bạn viết sai nhiều quá! Ḿnh sửa hoài(dù không biết chắc là đúng) hoa cả mắt rồi! Đoạn sau th́ ḿnh chưa đọc, ḿnh chỉ sửa đến đây thôi. Nhưng ḿnh cho bạn một lời khuyên là bạn không nên viết luân theo kiểu dịch từ tiêng mẹ đẻ sang tiếng anh như vây.

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  5. Thành viên sau cám ơn tiểu thư mini v́ bài viết hữu ích

    alpha8189 (15-01-2012)

  6. #4
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    Cám ơn hai bạn, đây là bài nữa của ḿnh:

    TOPic: 181 In your country, is there more need for land to be left in its natural condition or is there more need for land to be developed for housing and industry? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

    Some people may agree that our country, Vietnam, should spend more land for building housing and developing industry, other people may be against for this proposal. However, in my opinion I disagree with the statement that our government allows companies using more land for developing housing and industry. The following is my explanation.

    To begin with, our country has spent more than a haft of land itself for human’s purpose including cultivating land, and building cities and roads. According to recent scientific researches, if the government continuously use more land, the wild land areas will loose. As the result, forests and wild lands for the purpose of preventing natural disasters and causes will be destroyed, obviously this would cause flooding over the country, landslides, and drought. As stated by meteorologists and climatologists in recent scientific reports, typhoons from the southwest Pacific Ocean can easily come to destroy Vietnam's coastline areas, Elnio and Lanina phenomenon affect more fatally and seriously on over the land.

    In addition, we should spend more wild land for the next generations. Our future generations deserves to live in fresh environment so that they can see more wild animals freely grazing and walking in wild lands. In fact, we have learned that in few past centuries, the human have been hunting aggressively and extremely many wild animals, and damage a lot of wild lands, and as the result many of precious species of fauna and flora were extinct. For instance, the recent notorious news in our country is the extinction of Rhinoceros, the last individual of animal was killed by a hunter in a National park but in deed that cause is the bad effect of the expansion of human beings to the wild lands.

    However, one may argue that a lot of people are in cities and the roads are crowded with cars, motorbikes, or other means of transportation, this cause people usually get traffic jam. In reality, we can solve this problem by improving people’s attitude in public places, building sky trains and subways, or apply new technologies to build more skyscrapers, and train cities residents learning how to optimize living space.

    In conclusion, all the reasons for spending more land for building houses and developing industry are sophistic. If humans spend more land, we will easily get natural disasters such as floods, hurricanes, and drought. The result is unpredictable and we will loose more than we receive.
    Sửa lần cuối bởi alpha8189 : 17-01-2012 lúc 09:56 PM

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  7. #5
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    181 In your country, is there more need for land to be left in its natural condition or is there more need for land to be developed for housing and industry? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

    Some people may agree that our country, Vietnam, should spend more land for building housing and developing industry, other people may be against for this proposal. However, in my opinion, I disagree with the statement that our government allows companies using more land for developing housing and industry. The following is my explanation.

    To begin with, our country has spent more than a haft of land itself for human’s purpose including cultivating land, and building cities and roads. According to recent scientific researches, if the government continuously uses more land, the wild land areas will loose (lose). As the result, forests and wild lands for the purpose of preventing natural disasters and causes will be destroyed, obviously this would cause flooding over the country, landslides, and drought. As stated by meteorologists and climatologist in recent scientific reports, typhoons from the southwest Pacific Ocean can easily come to destroy Vietnam's coastline areas, Elnio and Lanina phenomenon affect more fatally and seriously on over the land.

    In addition, we should spend more wild land for the next generations. Our future generations deserve to live in fresh environment so that they can see more wild animals freely grazing and walking in wild lands. In fact, we have learned that in few past centuries, the human have (had ) been hunting aggressively and extremely many wild animals, and damage a lot of wild lands, and as the result many of precious species of fauna and flora were extinct. For instance, the recent notorious news in our country is the extinction of Rhinoceros, the last individual of animal was killed by a hunter in a National park but in deed that cause is the bad effect of the expansion of human beings to the wild lands.

    However, one may argue that a lot of people are in cities, and the roads are crowded with cars, motorbikes, or other means of transportation, this cause people usually get traffic jam. In reality, we can solve this problem by improving people’s attitude in public places, building sky trains and subways, or apply new technologies to build more skyscrapers, and train cities residents learning how to optimize living space.

    In conclusion, all the reasons for spending more land for building houses and developing industry are sophistic. If humans spend more land, we will easily get natural disasters such as floods, hurricanes, and drought. The result is unpredictable, and we will lose more than we receive.

    Học tiếng Anh online thu phí

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  8. Thành viên sau cám ơn kyloivn v́ bài viết hữu ích

    alpha8189 (01-02-2012)

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