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Đề tài: Write a letter about the most memorable past experience

  1. #1
    Tham gia ngày
    Sep 2010
    Bài gửi
    2

    Arrow Write a letter about the most memorable past experience

    Dear ...,
    Have you ever come to a beautiful beach? Well, I have. Last July, I went on a trip to Sam Son beach with my family. It took us 4 hours to go there. We stayed and relaxed in the hotel. In the afternoon, I and my little brother went to the beach with my parents. My mother said to me:" Don't swim too far! It's dangerous". After that, I and my brother went swimming with a float. We swam and played with the water. I told my brother to swim farther for more fun.
    Suddenly a huge wave appeared. My brother was slipping out of hand from the float and drifted away. He didn't know to swim. It was terrible. All of us were very worried. Luckily, my father swam to him and saved hịm immediately. Then, he was okay and drank some water. After that, I realized that we should obey our parents, because they always give us good things.
    Write to me soon and tell me all your news.
    Your friend,
    ....

    mọi người giúp ḿnh sửa lỗi với thanks everyone
    ḿnh cần ngay trong tối nay hoặc sáng sớm ngày mai, mọi ngưới cố giúp nhé
    Sửa lần cuối bởi pmtuyen411 : 12-09-2010 lúc 08:04 PM


  2. #2
    Tham gia ngày
    Jan 2010
    Nơi cư ngụ
    We have met but both I and you do not realise each other (!)
    Bài gửi
    208

    Mặc định

    Trích Nguyên văn bởi pmtuyen411 Xem bài viết
    Dear ...,
    Have you ever come to a beautiful beach? Well, I have. Last July, I went on a trip to Sam Son beach with my family. It took us 4 hours to go (get) there. We stayed and relaxed in the (no preposition) hotel. In the afternoon, I and my little("little" is so Vague) brother went to the beach with my parents. My mother said to me:" Don't swim too far! It's dangerous". After that, I and my brother went swimming with a float. We swam and played with the water. I told my brother to swim farther for more fun.
    Suddenly a huge wave appeared. My brother was slipping out of hand from the float and drifted away. He didn't know to (could not) swim. It was terrible. All of us were very worried. Luckily, my father swam to (catch) him and saved hịm immediately. Then, he was okay and(but he had) drunk some water. After that, I realized that we should obey our parents, because they always give us good things.
    Write to me soon and tell me all your news.
    Your friend,
    ....

    mọi người giúp ḿnh sửa lỗi với thanks everyone
    ḿnh cần ngay trong tối nay hoặc sáng sớm ngày mai, mọi ngưới cố giúp nhé
    Hmm, some sentences are too short so You should join them using relatiVe pronoun.
    You could also use reported speech to improVe Your drill.

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  3. #3
    Tham gia ngày
    Sep 2010
    Bài gửi
    2

    Mặc định

    thank you very much .
    So what sentences can I join?
    If I don't use "little", which word will be correct? What about "younger"?
    which preposition instead of "with" on that sentence?
    Maybe I should add something to my writing

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  4. #4
    Tham gia ngày
    Jan 2010
    Bài gửi
    101

    Mặc định

    Trích Nguyên văn bởi pmtuyen411 Xem bài viết
    Dear ...,
    Have you ever come to a beautiful beach? Well, I have. Last July, I went on a trip to Sam Son beach with my family. It took us 4 hours to go get there. We stayed and relaxed in the a hotel. In the afternoon, I and my little brother went to the beach with my parents. My mother said to me:" Don't swim too far! It's dangerous". After that, I and my brother went swimming with a float. We swam and played with the water. I told my brother to swim farther for more fun.
    Suddenly a huge wave appeared. My brother was slipping out of hand from the float and drifted away. He didn't know how to swim. It was terrible. All of us We were very worried. Luckily, my father swam to him and saved save hịm immediately. Then, he was okay and drank some water. After that, I realized that we should obey listen to our parents, because they always give teach us good things.
    Write to me soon and tell me all your news.
    Your friend,
    ....

    mọi người giúp ḿnh sửa lỗi với thanks everyone
    ḿnh cần ngay trong tối nay hoặc sáng sớm ngày mai, mọi ngưới cố giúp nhé

    Your use of grammar is quite proper, but the use of language is miserable. Were I a teacher, I would give 7 mark for this piece of writing. You should opt for more words to include in your essay, not just repeat the words that has been used before. Feel free to ask me if you do not have good grasp about the corrections I have made.

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