PDA

View Full Version : please correct my essay!



chitrung21_8
02-09-2007, 07:41 AM
This essay talks about the person who you admire best.
Here is my essay,please correct for me!thanks.
In our life,we also have a mother,so do I.but according to me,my mother is the person who I admire and love best.
I'm sure to tell you about that because my mother gave birth to me,unless there had had my mother,there wouldn't have had me today.
Perhaps in this life,there aren't any sentiment which is noble like sentiment between mother and child.So my mother used all her sentiment for me.She has taken care of me from a child to maturation.She is the person worrying me a lot,particularly when i was sick,she sat up all night beside me,looked after for me,and hoped tomorrow I would be healthier.
And when I grew up,she taught me many things,not only taught me how to behave to grandparents,parents,relatives and other persons,but also she taught me many good things and reason in my life.I remembered obviously when I did something wrong,she was never angry with me,she just grasped me and told me what I did wrong,then she advised me not to do that later
In fact my mother is the person who I am proud of best and I understand that she spent all her time for me so that I can be matured like today.Now I just want to say one thing:Thanks to my mother!
Please correct for me.Is it rather short than a essay on the TOEFL?

caothanh6
02-09-2007, 05:34 PM
This essay talks about the person who you admire best.
Here is my essay,please correct for me!thanks.
In our life,we also have a mother,so do I.but according to me,my mother is the person who I admire and love best.
I'm sure to tell you about that because my mother gave birth to me,unless there had had my mother,there wouldn't have had me today.
Perhaps in this life,there aren't any sentiment which is noble like sentiment between mother and child.So my mother used all her sentiment for me.She has taken care of me from a child to maturation.She is the person worrying me a lot,particularly when i was sick,she sat up all night beside me,looked after for me,and hoped tomorrow I would be healthier.
And when I grew up,she taught me many things,not only taught me how to behave to grandparents,parents,relatives and other persons,but also she taught me many good things and reason in my life.I remembered obviously when I did something wrong,she was never angry with me,she just grasped me and told me what I did wrong,then she advised me not to do that later
In fact my mother is the person who I am proud of best and I understand that she spent all her time for me so that I can be matured like today.Now I just want to say one thing:Thanks to my mother!
Please correct for me.Is it rather short than a essay on the TOEFL?


Bạn chitrung thn mến, mnh ko phải l người giỏi tiếng Anh lắm, nhưng mnh cũng xin gp với bạn l:
+ Bi viết của bạn theo mnh th n khng phải l một essay:( v n khng đủ từ v ko c cấu trc r rng. N cũng ko giống một đoạn paragraph bởi n qu di.
+ Đọc essay của bạn, mnh c cảm tưởng giống như một ma trận vậy :(. Việc bạn dng cc lin từ v cu phức qu nhiều khiến cho đoạn văn trở nn nhập nhằng.
+ Đoạn văn của bạn giống như bạn vừa viết vừa tra từ điển vậy , mắc kh nhiều lỗi ngữ php. Theo mnh bạn nn viết n r rng v c nội dung hơn, v nn mua một vi quyển dạy viết như Writing Succedd Skills in 20 minute a day, hay Academic Writing Essay. Chc bạn ngy cng tiến bộ.
( Đy chỉ l kiến ring thui nha). Ai c kiến khc mnh th cứ by tỏ nha :love:

chitrung21_8
02-09-2007, 10:28 PM
This essay talks about the person who you admire best.
Here is my essay,please correct for me!thanks.

In our life,everyone also has a mother,so do I.But according to me, Mother is the person who I admire and love best because my mother gave birth to me,brought me up,and taught me many things in my life.

Perhaps, in this life,there aren't any sentiment which is priceless like one between mother and child.Thus my mother devoted all her sentiment for me.She has taken care of me from a child to adult.She is the person worrying me a lot,particularly when I was sick,she sat up all night beside me,looked after me,and hoped tomorrow I would be healthier.

Of course,when I grew up,she taught me many things,not only how to behave to grandparents,parents,relatives and other persons,but also good things and reason in my life.I remembered clearly when I did something wrong,she was never angry with me, just grasped and told me what I did wrong in order not to reply.And when I went to school,she advised me to choose good friends to play with.

Moreover,Mother influences on me because of her character,word,work,...Mother is very nice,she often helps poor or specially situated people in society although my family is also normal like other families, perhaps it is a character that I love her very much.Because of being a high school teacher,Mother can understand all our psychology in studying,love,life,...Hence what she taught me,I appreciated and followed.

In fact my mother is the person who I am proud of best and I understand that she spent all her time for me so that I can be mature like today.Now I just want to say one thing:Thanks to my mother!
Please correct for me.Is it rather short than a essay on the TOEFL?[/QUOTE]

[/SIZE]

huonghuyen_310
03-09-2007, 01:08 PM
Bạn Chitrung21_8 thân mến! Có lẽ tôi nên nhận xét bài của bạn một chút!
- Bạn ko nên dùng quá nhiều từ ngữ khó và ít dùng bởi đôi khi ngay ng` đọc cũng ko hiệu Điều này giống như bạn vừa tra từ điển vừa viết bào vậy!
- Bạn ko nên nghĩ bằng tiếng Việt trong đầu rồi dịch sang tiếng Anh mà nên trực tiếp bằng TA bởi TV và TA khác nhau và bạn rất dễ nhầm lẫn!
(Đây chỉ là ý kiến của riêng tôi!)
Thân ái

V Thnh Vin
31-05-2008, 05:54 PM
Mnh xin mạo muội chỉ ra những lỗi sai của bạn, bạn nhớ rt kinh nghiệm nh:
1.Khng nn dng according to me v cụm từ according to+danh từ(chỉ khch quan, khng phải l bản thn người viết). vd: according to her/the report/the essay,... Thay vo đ bạn nn dng To my mind, In my opinion.
2.Đoạn "when I grew up, she taught me many things, not only how to behave to....but also good things and reason...." l sai cấu trc. V sau not only + to-infinitive th sau but also cũng phải + to-infinitive, khng thể một vế l động từ một vế l danh từ đươc. Trong tiếng Anh, ci ny được gọi l cấu trc song song
3.Bi ny bạn khng nn viết ở th qu khứ, đặc biệt l đoạn kể về cng lao của mẹ. Dng th qu khứ người đọc c cảm gic mẹ bạn đ qua đời .Bạn nn dng th hiện tại đơn hoăc hin tại hon thanh th hay hợn Vả lại những cng lao của mẹ đối với chng ta l mi mi ghi nhớ, mi mi trường tồn m.

hoangmai1992
31-05-2008, 06:29 PM
This essay talks about a person who you admire best.( đy l đề hay cu dẫn của bạn?)
Here is my essay,please correct for me!thanks.

In our life,everyone also has a mother,so do I.But according to me (bạn hon ton chỉ triển khai ,ko đối lập-> but lm j?), my Mother is the person who I admire and love best because my mothershe gave birth to me,brought me up,and taught me many things in my life.

Perhaps, in this life,there aren't isn't any sentiment which is priceless like the one between a mother and her child.Thus my mother devoted all her sentiment for me.She has taken care of me since i was a child to adult.She is the one who worries about me a lot,particularly when I was sick,she sat up all night beside me,looked after me,and hoped tomorrow I would be healthier the next day .

Of course,when I grew up,she taught me many things,not only how to behave to grandparents,parents,relatives and other persons,but also good things and reasons in my life.I remembered clearly when I did something wrong,she was never angry with me, just grasped and told me what I did wrong in order not to replydo it again .And when I went to school,she advised me to choose good friends to play with.

Moreover,my Mother influences on me because of her character,her words,her work,...my Mother is very nice,[/S. She often helps poor or specially situated people in society although my family is also normal like other families, perhaps it is a character that's why I love her very much.Because of being a high school teacher,Mother can understand all of our psychology in studying,love,life,...Hence what she taught me,I appreciated and followed.

In fact my mother is the person who I am proud of best and I understand that she spent all her time for me so that I can be mature like today.Now I just want to say [S]one thing:Thanks to my mother!
Please correct for me.Is it rather short than a essay on the TOEFL?

[/QUOTE]

- reply l đp trả bạn nh
lặp lại l repeat hoặc redo
- danh từ phải xc định, chả biết gọi l j nhỉ nhưng hoặc l c qun từ a an the hoặc phải c TTSH my your bạn nha

mnh chả biết TOEFL c ra đề essay thế ny ko nn cũng chả gp đc cho bạn về nội dung lắm
nhưng mnh nghĩ kể cả l để biểu cảm th bạn vẫn nn chia cụ thể logic trong 1 bi essay

đy chắc l bi bạn sửa rồi nn mnh ko thấy n` lỗi như mọi ng` nx lắm :D