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kuckutkute181
28-09-2012, 05:28 PM
Some students prefer to study alone. Others prefer to study with a group of students. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.


There are myriad of learning approaches to achieve academic accomplishment , one of them is to study in group, which is prevalently utilized as an useful strategy for students’ class discussions, examinations and presentations. However, students frequently find them self in dilemma whether they should take part in co-operating learning or not. From my view, I still believe that a study group can bring about several positive reinforcement in class due to three following reasons.
Firstly, collaborative study can give students a motivation to keep on acquiring knowledge. Educators have a tendency to express a strong preference for showcasing their competence to others. By breaking the monotony and replacing the barrier of solitude, a study group can fulfill this nature desire and accelerate a competitive atsmosphere in which all students are eager to participate. Moreover, when working along with their peers, students can feel the sense of responsibility as everybody in group looks forward to and depends on their presentations and contributions, by inference, group time can put an obstacle to students’ laziness and non-commital attitude towards the scholastic performances.
Secondly, studying in a group can bring about conspicuous accumulation of teamwork skills. Becoming longstanding participants in a long term study group is a tremendous chance for educators to hone the qualities such as communication, teamspirtit, problem solving abiility.Additionally, co-operating learning can also help you to unwrap the wool of fear and hesitation placing around when you want to express your own ideas in front of a crowd.
Finally, a well-managed study group is an expeditiuous strategy that can be adopted in a long run in order to learn faster. One of the inclusively benefitcial feature of collaborative study is that it allows students to get access to a wide range of perspectives, and to learn new studying method.. The tradditional ways of learning which invovles individual working prevent students from taking fellow members’ opinions in to considerations which can lead to the unawaremess of different approachs towards the problem as well as new learning technique. Furthurmore, studying in a group can also help students to cope well with the workload, to improve thequality of work as well as to speed up the competion of the task.
However, everything is double-edge weapon and learning in teams is no exception. The discussions between students can easily turn out to bristle with squabbling or extraneous fables without certain management. One of the best solutions for this demerit is that there must be a well-mannered leadership to remain the discipline of the group.
In conclusion, studying in group is a practical and useful way for student to achieve better academic performance, and it should be institutionalized widely.

Tớ đang học về academic writing style và vài tháng nữa dự định sẽ học một lớp TOEFL. Mong mọi người chữa giúp các bài writing và share tips cho tớ nhá, tớ sẽ duy tŕ việc viết bài. Cảm ơn các bạn.

Btw, có bạn nào ở Hà Nội và biết chỗ nào dạy TOEFL RẺ và uy tín không ? Tớ học long-term nhá, không phải cấp tốc đâu, có chỗ nào hay hoặc sách nào hay recommend cho tớ với nha. Cảm ơn.

LHX
02-10-2012, 06:26 AM
Some students prefer to study alone. Others prefer to study with a group of students. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.


There are myriad of learning approaches to achieve academic accomplishment , one of them is to study in group, which is prevalently utilized as an useful strategy for students’ class discussions, examinations and presentations. However, students frequently find them self in dilemma whether they should take part in co-operating learning or not. From my view, I still believe that a study group can bring about several positive reinforcement in class due to three following reasons.
Firstly, collaborative study can give students a motivation to keep on acquiring knowledge. Educators have a tendency to express a strong preference for showcasing their competence to others. By breaking the monotony and replacing the barrier of solitude, a study group can fulfill this nature desire and accelerate a competitive atsmosphere in which all students are eager to participate. Moreover, when working along with their peers, students can feel the sense of responsibility as everybody in group looks forward to and depends on their presentations and contributions, by inference, group time can put an obstacle to students’ laziness and non-commital attitude towards the scholastic performances.
Secondly, studying in a group can bring about conspicuous accumulation of teamwork skills. Becoming longstanding participants in a long term study group is a tremendous chance for educators to hone the qualities such as communication, teamspirtit, problem solving abiility.Additionally, co-operating learning can also help you to unwrap the wool of fear and hesitation placing around when you want to express your own ideas in front of a crowd.
Finally, a well-managed study group is an expeditiuous strategy that can be adopted in a long run in order to learn faster. One of the inclusively benefitcial feature of collaborative study is that it allows students to get access to a wide range of perspectives, and to learn new studying method.. The tradditional ways of learning which invovles individual working prevent students from taking fellow members’ opinions in to considerations which can lead to the unawaremess of different approachs towards the problem as well as new learning technique. Furthurmore, studying in a group can also help students to cope well with the workload, to improve thequality of work as well as to speed up the competion of the task.
However, everything is double-edge weapon and learning in teams is no exception. The discussions between students can easily turn out to bristle with squabbling or extraneous fables without certain management. One of the best solutions for this demerit is that there must be a well-mannered leadership to remain the discipline of the group.
In conclusion, studying in group is a practical and useful way for student to achieve better academic performance, and it should be institutionalized widely.

Tớ đang học về academic writing style và vài tháng nữa dự định sẽ học một lớp TOEFL. Mong mọi người chữa giúp các bài writing và share tips cho tớ nhá, tớ sẽ duy tŕ việc viết bài. Cảm ơn các bạn.

Btw, có bạn nào ở Hà Nội và biết chỗ nào dạy TOEFL RẺ và uy tín không ? Tớ học long-term nhá, không phải cấp tốc đâu, có chỗ nào hay hoặc sách nào hay recommend cho tớ với nha. Cảm ơn.

Overall, you write well, and your ideas flow together. Your essay does suffer from a lot of spelling errors, which you can fix rather easily by using the Grammar and Spelling program in MSWord.

I have edited some of your word choices and expressions, and as much as possible, I have tried to retain your original ideas and express them in a more concise manner.

Of a myriad of learning approaches to academic accomplishment, one is to study in a group, which is prevalently utilized as a useful strategy for students’ class discussions, examinations and presentations. However, students frequently find themself in a dilemma whether they should take part in co-operating learning or not. From my viewpoint, I believe that a study group can bring about several positive reinforcements in class due to three following reasons.


Firstly, collaborative study can give students a motivation to keep on acquiring knowledge. Students have a tendency to express a strong preference for showcasing their competence to others. By breaking the monotony and replacing the barrier of solitude, a study group can fulfill this natural desire and accelerate a competitive atmosphere in which all students are eager to participate. Moreover, when working along with their peers, students can feel the sense of responsibility as everybody in group looks forward to and depends on their presentations and contributions. By inference, a group time can put a stop to the laziness of students and their non-committal attitudes towards scholastic performances.


Secondly, studying in a group can bring about conspicuous accumulation of teamwork skills. Becoming longstanding participants in a long term study group is a tremendous chance for students to hone the desirable qualities of communication, team spirit, critical thinking, problem solving and so on. Additionally, co-operating learning can also help a person overcome his inborn fear and hesitation when expressing his ideas in front of a crowd.


Finally, a well-managed study group is an expeditious strategy that can help a student learn faster in the long run. One of the beneficial features of collaborative study is that it allows students to get access to a wide range of perspectives and to be exposed to new studying methods. The traditional ways of learning by oneself often prevent students from taking the opinions of their classmates into considerations, resulting in both their unawareness of different approaches towards solving the problem and new learning techniques. Furthermore, studying in a group can also help students cope well with their workload, improve the quality of their work and speed up the completion of their task.


No approach is fool proof, and learning in teams is no exception. Group discussions can easily turn out to bristle with internal squabbling or extraneous fables without causes. To function effectively, a study group should choose a well-respected member as a leader to maintain the overall discipline of the group, and keep the group focused on their agreed tasks.


In conclusion, studying in a group is a practical and useful way for students to achieve better academic performances, and it should be encouraged whenever possible.

Note

A useful strategy and not an useful strategy since the “u” in “in useful” is pronounced as “you”, a consonant

kuckutkute181
07-10-2012, 09:27 AM
Cảm ơn LHX. Rất mong nhận được sự giúp đỡ của bạn những lần sau nữa. ^.^

Sáng nay cô tớ cho một đề bài rất lạ, đọc chả hiểu ǵ cả và tớ không vạch ra được ư.

Present a for-and against essay to an educated non-specialist audience on the following topic

Facebook friendships are easier to manage than real life ones

You should use your own ideas , knowledge and experience to support your arguements with examples and relevant evidences ~.~


LHX có thể cho tớ một vài ư tưởng hay outlines sơ giản được không :D


Cảm ơn nhiều !

Btw, đây là một bài viết khác, ai đấy sửa cho tớ nhá. :D Cảm ơn. :)


What are the pros and cons of living in a consumerist society.

Outlines


Intro.



Concept about consumerism/ consumerist society.
Highly controversial issue.



Main orchards



Pros



Enterprising = Motivation to come up with a new thing
Wide range of product
Living standard (Education , Technology and Transportation , Medical facilities and amenities)



Cons



Rich- poor divide
The ignorance in sentimental life.
Environment issue (



Conclusion



Essay

Consumerism or consumerist society is an international economic and social phenomenon orginally emanated from the Western countries due to the technology revolution and the production surpluses, which has been regarded to be immanent in developed societies. However, whether living in a consumerist society can bring about certain advantages or not is still a subject for debate. This essay wil discuss this substantive issue from both perspectives.


One of the advantages brought about by consumerism is the enterprising spritual. The formulation of consumerist society put a desirable incentive to the modernization as the accumulation of excessive goods is always in parallel with the need for encouraging innovations. In other words, consumerism accelerates the process of conversion of obsolescent apparatus into more sophisticated device. Consequently, it can give a rise to a huge variety of goods in an immense amount which can fulfill a wide range of needs and encourage a diverse and confortable life. Citizens in consumerists society are able to avail accomplishing education, advanced technology, better transportation and modern pharmaceutical amenities.
Generally, consumerism can be considered as a solid framework for stimulating the development


On the flipped side,consumerist society also has its own drawbacks.
Firstly, consumerism can culminate in the inequality which includes both wealth disparity as well as the social position diversity. This socio-economic disproportion tends to engender the increase in the rate of crime, adding much more complication to the remaining national security.
Secondly, this kind of society can exposed its citizen to the ignorance in the sentimental life. People are frequently caught up in the belief that their selfworth depends on their poverty, and in their single-minded pursuit of a decadent life, the true sense of the world, is sadly neglected. By inference, they sometimes find themselves in depression and frustration. Finally, consumerism can be a major obstacle to the work of the confront pollution issue. The overpopulation in the city, the inveterate overcrowding of industrial centre and so on are the main cause of the environmental problems.

In conclusion, consumerism is a two fold issue with both its merit and demerit.

Conclusion viết hơi dở, cô tớ bảo discursive essay không cho phép người viết thể hiện quan điểm, đứng ở phe trung lập, nên tớ không viết đc conclusion thế nào cho ổn. ~.~

LHX
07-10-2012, 01:26 PM
This is already past midnight my time. Therefore, for your first question, I suggest that you just Google for "Facebook friendships are easier to manage than real life ones", you will find plenty of discussions already on the NET about this topic.

An educated non-specialist audience simply means your audience consists of educated people, but they are not necessarily social media specialist (they may not even know what Facebook is), they are not psychologists, counselors, therapists, etc. the professionals that know a lot about interpersonal relationships etc.

Basically, you need to write a well-written essay but do not use too much "trade jargon" used by the professionals.

kuckutkute181
10-10-2012, 07:25 PM
Đề bài của ḿnh là :

Many parents complain that school outdoor activities are badly affected to students.
What is your opinions
Các bạn sửa cho tớ nhá

School outdoor activities , which are recently regarded to be an imperative segment of scholastic programmes, are a set of intramural activities taking place besides the realm of academic curriculums. However, there are many parents have reservations about its positive reinforcements due to the fact that numerous of school-aged activists’ academic performances have been profoundly distracted. From my own viewpoint, I am still in favour of after-school activities citing these three reasons.
Firstly, long-term involvement in intramural activities can help students excorcise stress buster from their daily life. Most of school-outdoor activities are systematized on the basis of a relaxing environment for educators to enjoy. As long as students get acess to this “minor” school- based community, they will have a chance to establish a wider relationships with whoever shares the same common and to showcase competence and personalities in their own ways. Indeed, after extra-curricular time, several students are able to find their true friends as well as to realize their true interest and potential. Such a environment can help educators alleviate metal tension, which is a permanent part of a seamlessly pressure-oriented world.
Secondly, partaking in extracuricular activities can motivate physical development. The overload in academic schedules and a great number of homework frequently glue students to their desk. This can lead to the risk of obesity and to successive heart-related problems. Students need to participate in recreational activities to keep themselves physically fit and to promote their own imunity.
Finally, intramural activities can stimulate a comprehensively scholastic outcomes. As it is afformentioned, school-based clubs, competitions or organizations can set a minor network of students, and consequently formulate a micro-world in which educators can hone vital qualifications such as communication, crital thinking, team spirit, problem solving , confidence, creativity and so on. In effect, school out-door activists are prone to have a much more vivacious personality than who do not, they tend to achieve more success in life as they have equipped themselves with essential skills to deal with endeavours. That is the reason why partaking in extra-curricular activities are now the big league framework for any job applications.
However, many parents show their concern about school-based activities’ disadvantages owing to the fact that they can wreak havoc on activists’ academic performances as well as their well-being. Actually, these demerits can be easily eliminated if students can manage their time well and avert themselves from being a falling victims to extra-curricular overload.
In conclusion, school outdoor activities can bring about lifelong enjoyment and positive reinforcements as long as students can keep its demerit at bay by above simple methods.

LHX
11-10-2012, 12:51 AM
What are the pros and cons of living in a consumerist society.

Outlines


Intro.



Concept about consumerism/ consumerist society.
Highly controversial issue.



Main orchards



Pros



Enterprising = Motivation to come up with a new thing
Wide range of product
Living standard (Education , Technology and Transportation , Medical facilities and amenities)



Cons



Rich- poor divide
The ignorance in sentimental life.
Environment issue (



Conclusion



Essay

Consumerism or consumerist society is an international economic and social phenomenon orginally emanated from the Western countries due to the technology revolution and the production surpluses, which has been regarded to be immanent in developed societies. However, whether living in a consumerist society can bring about certain advantages or not is still a subject for debate. This essay wil discuss this substantive issue from both perspectives.


One of the advantages brought about by consumerism is the enterprising spritual. The formulation of consumerist society put a desirable incentive to the modernization as the accumulation of excessive goods is always in parallel with the need for encouraging innovations. In other words, consumerism accelerates the process of conversion of obsolescent apparatus into more sophisticated device. Consequently, it can give a rise to a huge variety of goods in an immense amount which can fulfill a wide range of needs and encourage a diverse and confortable life. Citizens in consumerists society are able to avail accomplishing education, advanced technology, better transportation and modern pharmaceutical amenities.
Generally, consumerism can be considered as a solid framework for stimulating the development


On the flipped side,consumerist society also has its own drawbacks.
Firstly, consumerism can culminate in the inequality which includes both wealth disparity as well as the social position diversity. This socio-economic disproportion tends to engender the increase in the rate of crime, adding much more complication to the remaining national security.
Secondly, this kind of society can exposed its citizen to the ignorance in the sentimental life. People are frequently caught up in the belief that their selfworth depends on their poverty, and in their single-minded pursuit of a decadent life, the true sense of the world, is sadly neglected. By inference, they sometimes find themselves in depression and frustration. Finally, consumerism can be a major obstacle to the work of the confront pollution issue. The overpopulation in the city, the inveterate overcrowding of industrial centre and so on are the main cause of the environmental problems.

In conclusion, consumerism is a two fold issue with both its merit and demerit.

Conclusion viết hơi dở, cô tớ bảo discursive essay không cho phép người viết thể hiện quan điểm, đứng ở phe trung lập, nên tớ không viết đc conclusion thế nào cho ổn. ~.~

Consumerism or consumerist society is an international economic and social phenomenon that originally emanated from (the) Western countries. According to Wikipedia, “consumerism is a social and economic order that encourages the purchase of goods and services in ever-greater amounts”. (due to the technology revolution and the production surpluses, which has been regarded to be immanent in developed societies.) However, whether living in a consumerist society can bring about certain advantages or not is still a subject for debate. This essay will discuss this substantive issue from both perspectives.

One of the advantages brought about by consumerism is the enterprise spirit. The formulation of consumerist society (put a desirable incentive to the modernization) motivates modernization as the accumulation of excessive goods (is) always (in) runs parallel with the need for encouraging innovations. In other words, consumerism accelerates the (process of) transformation of obsolescent (apparatus) equipment (into more sophisticated device) to keep up with changing consumer tastes. Consequently, it can give a rise to a huge variety of goods in an immense amount which can fulfill a wide range of needs and encourage a comfortable living with diverse life styles. Citizens in consumerist society (are able to avail accomplishing) have easy access to higher education, advanced technology, better transportation and modern (pharmaceutical) health care (amenities).
Generally, consumerism can be considered as a solid framework for stimulating the development of a country, and for bringing about higher standards of living for its citizen.


On the flip side, consumerist society also has its own drawbacks.

Consumerism can result in social inequality encompassing wealth disparity and social status schism. This (socio-economic disproportion tends to engender) may lead to an increase in the crime rate (adding much more complication to the remaining national security) diverting government attention from other pressing issues of national security

Secondly, this kind of society can exposed its citizen to the ignorance in the sentimental life. People are frequently caught up in the belief that their selfworth depends on their poverty, and in their single-minded pursuit of a decadent life, the true sense of the world, is sadly neglected.

=> You lost me with this paragraph. Please recheck your sentences. What is “the sentimental life”. Why does a person’s self-worth depend on his/her poverty? What do you mean by “the true sense of the world”? You need to write clearly, and if you have to introduce a new concept, take time to explain it.

By inference, they sometimes find themselves in depression and frustration.

Finally, consumerism can be a major obstacle to the work of the confront pollution issue. The overpopulation in the city, the inveterate overcrowding of industrial centre and so on are the main cause of the environmental problems.

Please recheck your word usage. What is “the work of the confront pollution issue? What is inveterate overcrowding?”

Are you inferring that consumerism causes over-population, and the constant overcrowding of industrial centers? If so, do you have any studies that support this statement?

In conclusion, consumerism is a two fold issue with both its merit and demerit.

I have had a lot of difficulties with this essay because I don’t understand what you were trying to say. You may need to do more research on consumerism and avoid writing statements that may not be true. For example, according to Wikipedia, consumerism doesn’t come from the West => “People purchasing goods and consuming materials in excess of their basic needs is as old as the first civilizations (e.g. Ancient Egypt, Babylon and Ancient Rome)”.

kuckutkute181
24-10-2012, 04:23 PM
Cảm ơn LHX, đúng là mình chưa tìm hiểu sâu phần consumerism ấy lắm, hiểu biết của mình về lĩnh vực ấy còn khá lờ mờ, nên lúc gạch ý mình cũng thấy rối lắm.
Mình vừa làm thử một đề trong mấy series đề IELTS năm nay, mong nhận được cmt góp ý của mọi người nha.

Writing task 2.1 (Australia – 2012): Some people say that children should follow their instinct and be allowed to behave as free as they want, while other disagree. Discuss both view and make your opinion.
Essay.
In the present ages, many parents believe that it is much better to establish a parameter-free family environment in which their children are allowed to behave by inclination. This prevanlently parenting style, recently, has sparked a heated debate. In the scope of this essay, writer will investigate profoundly both its merits and demerits.
That this up-bringing method can bring about a pleasant relationship between parents and their offsprings and promote the sense of independence for kids is an idea espoused by permissive parents. Indeed, when children’s interest, behaviour are not always reprimended, it will be easy for them to get on well with their parents, theraby making a contribution to eliminate obnoxious distress in family relationships and eventually to nurturing a warm atsmosphere at home. Moreover, living exempt from parental control, children have a chance to explore the world by themselves and make their own dicisions. This can consequently motivate independence, which is regarded as a pivotal skills in their adulthood.
However, on the flip sides, there are also myriad of potential pitfalls hiden in this rearing appoach, which can result in an epidemic of parents’ grief. To start with, children of this parenting method usually think that the whole world will pader to their desires in a similar way. This can lead to irrevocable disappointments later in life. In fact, they are prone to suffer from frustration when they can not achieve what they want. Moreover, when living self-regulatedly without adequate parental guidance, children may not have the capability to know from right and wrong, which can cause resultant misbehavior. In deed, they tend to partake in anti social activities, and behave in outrageous manner which is often perceived as inconsiderate, spoilt or self-centred.
After weighting up the pros and cons, I assert that this parenting style bring about more adverse effects than positive one. Besides showing affection children affection, it’s parents’ responsibility to impose certain boundaries for their kids so that they can obtain vital skills to get on well with life.

Bài này 355 words, hình như đề thì cho phép tối đa là 250 - 300 từ thôi. Ai đấy đơn giản hóa bài viết này hộ tớ nhá, sửa lỗi về content luôn thể.. Cảm ơn nhá.

JasonGosling
24-10-2012, 04:59 PM
Cảm ơn LHX, đúng là ḿnh chưa t́m hiểu sâu phần consumerism ấy lắm, hiểu biết của ḿnh về lĩnh vực ấy c̣n khá lờ mờ, nên lúc gạch ư ḿnh cũng thấy rối lắm.
Ḿnh vừa làm thử một đề trong mấy series đề IELTS năm nay, mong nhận được cmt góp ư của mọi người nha.

Writing task 2.1 (Australia – 2012): Some people say that children should follow their instinct and be allowed to behave as free as they want, while other disagree. Discuss both view and make your opinion.
Essay.
In the present ages, many parents believe that it is much better to establish a parameter-free family environment in which their children are allowed to behave by inclination. This prevanlently parenting style, recently, has sparked a heated debate. In the scope of this essay, writer will investigate profoundly both its merits and demerits.
That this up-bringing method can bring about a pleasant relationship between parents and their offsprings and promote the sense of independence for kids is an idea espoused by permissive parents. Indeed, when children’s interest, behaviour are not always reprimended, it will be easy for them to get on well with their parents, theraby making a contribution to eliminate obnoxious distress in family relationships and eventually to nurturing a warm atsmosphere at home. Moreover, living exempt from parental control, children have a chance to explore the world by themselves and make their own dicisions. This can consequently motivate independence, which is regarded as a pivotal skills in their adulthood.
However, on the flip sides, there are also myriad of potential pitfalls hiden in this rearing appoach, which can result in an epidemic of parents’ grief. To start with, children of this parenting method usually think that the whole world will pader to their desires in a similar way. This can lead to irrevocable disappointments later in life. In fact, they are prone to suffer from frustration when they can not achieve what they want. Moreover, when living self-regulatedly without adequate parental guidance, children may not have the capability to know from right and wrong, which can cause resultant misbehavior. In deed, they tend to partake in anti social activities, and behave in outrageous manner which is often perceived as inconsiderate, spoilt or self-centred.
After weighting up the pros and cons, I assert that this parenting style bring about more adverse effects than positive one. Besides showing affection children affection, it’s parents’ responsibility to impose certain boundaries for their kids so that they can obtain vital skills to get on well with life.

Bài này 355 words, h́nh như đề th́ cho phép tối đa là 250 - 300 từ thôi. Ai đấy đơn giản hóa bài viết này hộ tớ nhá, sửa lỗi về content luôn thể.. Cảm ơn nhá.


I just tried to correct some of your mistakes. Mainly, they are all about spelling mistakes and word-choice. I attach it here



In the present ages, many parents believe that it is much better to establish a parameter-free family environment in which their children are allowed to behave by inclination. This prevalently parenting style, recently, has sparked a heated debate. In the scope of this essay, writer will investigate profoundly both its merits and demerits.

That this up-bringing method can bring about a pleasant relationship between parents and their offspring and promote a sense of individualism for youngsters is an idea espoused by permissive parents. Indeed, when children’s interest and behaviours are not always reprimanded, it will be easy for them to get on well with their parents, thereby making a contribution to eliminate obnoxious distress in family relationships and eventually to nurture a warm atmosphere at home. Moreover, living exempt from parental control, children have a chance to explore the world by themselves and make their own decisions. This can consequently motivate independence, which is regarded as a pivotal skill in their adulthood.

However, on the flip sides, there are also myriad of potential pitfalls hidden in this rearing approach, which can result in an epidemic of parents’ grief. To start with, children of this parenting method usually think that the whole world will parade to their desires in a similar way. This can lead to irrevocable disappointments later in life. In fact, they are prone to suffer from frustration when they can not achieve what they want. Moreover, when living self-regulatedly (not so sure about this word choice) without adequate parental guidance, children may not have the capability to know from right and wrong, which can cause resultant misbehavior. Indeed, they tend to partake in anti-social activities, and behave in outrageous manner which is often perceived as inconsiderate, spoilt or self-centered.

After weighting up the pros and cons, I assert that this parenting style bring about more adverse effects than positive one. Besides showing children affection, it’s parents’ responsibility to impose certain boundaries for their kids so that they can obtain vital skills to get on well with life.


I don't think your ideas are strong, sometimes they become complicated.

If I were you, I would concentrate on individualism which I believe is the best benefit children can obtain from this parenting methodology for the first paragraph (body)
The ideas of the second is kinda better.

You also should avoid using informal words, such as kids (youngsters, children), pros and cons (advantages and disadvantages, benefits and drawbacks)