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catbuitriam
25-01-2007, 10:16 PM
Some people think that the family is the most important influence on young adults. Other people think that friends are the most importtant influence on young adults. Which view do you agree with ? Use examples to support your position.

espider1276
27-01-2007, 03:40 PM
It has been very controversial among people around the topic: what the most important factor that affects young adults is. I believe that both family and friends are having an influence on them, which leads to the change of their behaviours and viewpoints.

First of all, take a look at how family influences young behaviours. Let's agree that a family has formed a person's character since the day he was born. You just need to know how good his family is, you'll understand thoroughly if he was educated well enough. Then the more he grew up, the more he was impacted by his family, espically his viewpoints. The young adults tend to listen to all his parents tell him and try to obey their orders. Some honour their parents so much that they regard their mothers and fathers as hero or heroine, which leads to their imitation of whatever parents do. The care of a family will affect a person's thoughts. For example, enough care from family will make him more self-confident. In contrast, he will become shy, diffident and nervous of social activities. You must know that the parents play a very important role in comprehending the inmost feelings of the young adult. If not , he may get stressed and tend to hide himself in the corner. We can't reckon up all the affects, however, we know that family is a factor contributes to the behaviours and viewpoints of yound adults.

Next, let's go into the depth of the problem to learn about another factor that causes the change of yound adults' behaviour and viewpoints. As I mention from the begining of the essay, it is friends. Have you ever heard this proverb: "Who keeps company with the wolf will learn to howl". That's what I'm going to tell you. No matter how well an young adult is kept in his home, no matter how good his educational basis is, it is unavoidable that his behaviours and viewpoints are easily affected when he contacts his friends. Children, who are very imitative, as we know, take after young adults, too. They often take off his friends, make himself as beautiful as his friends are. If he has good friends, he will find out a lot of useful thing from them; on the contrary, it is possible that they will learn bad things very quickly. Friends also help them know more about the world and perfect himself because you know: "We find our shortcomings in friends".

On the whole, family and friends are the most important factors affecting young adults. We have to know how to adjust ourselves and treat others well. Good luck to you!

I'm bad at writing, you know. So I hope you will find my mistakes and help me correct them. Thx so much!

Peculiar
27-01-2007, 05:38 PM
I do not have time to correct every single mistake, but there is one piece of advice for you: Do not use "Good luck to you!" to end an academic essay, because such a statement will almost render your writing as too casual.

Those who wish to practise your writing skill, please feel free to give your feedback to espider. ^^ I think it helps to correct others' essays, as your skill will improve as well.

duylinh
27-01-2007, 08:55 PM
The relation between members in a family is different from the friendly relation . Familial relation is a spiritual blood relationship nothing to replace therefore the familial influences on young adults are very deeply.It is hard able to cut off.
The friendly relation is only one of the social relationships.Young adults can hold friendly meeting,group meeting for enjoyment or work together…. this relation is able to end when the aims of relation having disappearance but the influences are not small on young adults.
Recently years,young adults are having better educated .They are under the influence of the news ideas coming from television and video ,the newspaper or the magazines , from the film or the internet computer and from their friends…For this reasons they often fell uncomfortable,burdened by their family pressure .They fell that their parents are not fashion because of older tradition rules.Conflicts between the members in their family may occur. Conflict of marriage, choose of profession, the difference of the living ways or thingking and belief opinions…So they often desire to escape their familial influences .Young adulds believe that they will having a better living , better free living , more independent , when they are outside … as the result, the relation of young adult in their family is still the parental loving and filial piety of their parents ‘s sacrifice no more.
Another hand , the good or bad influences on youth adults still depend on the good or bad social relations . A good perfectly social relation will be an deeply effectively influence.It means as you tell me about your friends I could know who you are and as you show me about your family I could also know how you are….
It is easily to recognize that we wouldnot having the national heroes such as Truong cong Dinh ,Hoang hoa Tham,Tran hung Dao , Ngo Quyen if they were not born in the family having patriotic traditions . Certainly Uncle Ho couldnot lead the Vietnamese people coming to the great win in 1975 Spring without the support of friends from in and out in the country.
Shortly ,the familial influence and friendly influence are the same most important on youth adults. I think so. See you next time .bye.:)

walllightphys
29-01-2007, 08:03 PM
hi,espider1276,your writting is really good.but some sentences i think these are too strange.Do you agree to discuss it with me?.Peculiar is good at correcting but he is busy.So i think we will discuss and then he will explain our difficulties.Do you agree?
1/Let's agree that a family has formed a person's character since the day he was born
-->Let 's agree that(???)
-->since the day.In Ielts tests I think you shouldn't use the difficult structure of grammar that you don't certain.(i think so)
-->My sentence:"it 's certain that family has formed a person's character in his childhood"-->comment:"Hic , 3 tháng tuổi mà lôi đâù thằng nhỏ ra dạy đạo đức"
The young adults tend to listen to all his parents tell him and try to obey their orders
-->Young adults(???):trẻ tuổi trưởng thành(hic).You should only use adults
-->listen to all his parents tell him -->listen to all (things) which his parents tell him(lắng nghe tất cả bố mẹ dạy anh ta)comment:hic co' nhiu` bố mẹ cũng sướng hè)
+I'm too busy so i only list the wrong sentences(hic not comment,you 'll hit me)
+Some honour their parents so much(Some is not right)-->some of them

+You used many phrase verb, i think it 's good, but i think with the degree of me and you,try to write corectly,don't try to use many complex sentences.I see you tried to use it.And i think it's good But you should read many pattern tests and learn it with your heart.Do you agree with me?

Peculiar
29-01-2007, 09:13 PM
it 's certain that family has formed a person's character in his childhood
--> There should be an article preceding "family". My suggestion: "It is generally agreed upon/ believed/ contended/ thought that one's character/personality hinges, to a large extent, on his upbringingin the family."

"Young adults" is a correct term, which refers to youngsters in their early 20s.

"listen to all his parents tell him" --> To make things clearer, change this into "listen to all that his parents tell him"

espider1276
30-01-2007, 01:52 PM
thx a lot, peculiar and wallightphys.
I completely agree with your correction. Indeed I tried to make ornate sentences by using complex ones. As you know, I'm just trying to improve my writing skill though it's so hard for me. It's great that you took notice of my essay and pointed out those mistakes to me. However, could you please give more comments to my essay, such as : content, etc...? Is this alright? What about sentence fluency? It's very nice of you to do that. Thanks a lot to both of you. Bye bye

we will rock you
30-01-2007, 10:40 PM
i think that family and friends are the most important influence on young adult. Because the higher student who are the young adult take the half of time in schoo. Example, a higher student take 8 hour in school, and 4 hour to have private tuition, so friend is one of the most important influence on young adụlt If your friend is a good people, you will be a good people and opposite.
another element is family. Your parents, your aunt, your brother are the people who make many good advise for you who warn you when you do the bad thing. Almost all good people have a good family. so Family is a element that effect young people
So family and friends are the most important influence on young adult
thanks to read, i hope you find my mistake. thank you

1691982
31-01-2007, 05:22 PM
Some people beleive that the family is the most important influênce on young adult but I disagree. I think a young adult who is on the threshold of his life is more influenced by his friends.
We all know that how importance our family is with us as a child. The first teacher we have in our lives are our parents. They teach us to walk, to speak and many other things. Obviously, our parents have the most influence on us at the beginning of our lives. However, things change very much when we grow up as a young adult. First, when we are a young adult, most of our time is spend to our studying as well as our social relationship, especially to our friend. The time we spend to family is really little. Another thing is at the age of young adult, there are many things we are hardly able to say with our parents but easily to say with our friend. For example, how can you say with your parents that you love a girl at your class in the final year at highschool? Well, your friend might be help you.
In short, I think the influence of friends is very great when we are a young adult.

walllightphys
01-02-2007, 06:45 PM
it 's certain that family has formed a person's character in his childhood
--> There should be an article preceding "family". My suggestion: "It is generally agreed upon/ believed/ contended/ thought that one's character/personality hinges, to a large extent, on his upbringingin the family."

"Young adults" is a correct term, which refers to youngsters in their early 20s.

"listen to all his parents tell him" --> To make things clearer, change this into "listen to all that his parents tell him"
Thanks,Peculiar.I learnt many things from you

walllightphys
01-02-2007, 07:06 PM
Some people beleive (believed)that the family is (was)the most important influênce on young adult(s) but I disagree(d). I think a young adult (who) is on the threshold of his life is more influenced by his friends.
We all know that how importance(important) our family is with us as a child. The first teacher (who)we have in our lives are our parents. They teach(ed) us (how)to walk, to speak and many other things. Obviously, our parents have the most influence on us at the beginning of our lives(life). However, things (Everything will)change very much when we grow up as a young adult. First(ly), when we (you)are a young adult, most of our time is spend to our studying as well as our social relationship, especially to our friend(s). The time we spend to family is really little. Another thing is at the age of young adult, there are many things (which)we are hardly able to say with our parents but easily to (but we can )say with our friend(s). For example, how can you say with your parents (you don't know how to say)that you love a girl at your class in the final year at highschool? Well, your friend(s) might be help you.
In short, I think the influence of friends is very great when we(you) are a young adult.
It's my opinion.There are many mistakes but i don't know how to correct it absoluly.But i know a man who can help you.He is Peculiar.If you watn to pefect your writting,you should tell him for help