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mumchick
15-11-2006, 12:16 AM
I'm trying to practice writing, pls correct my work and give me advice if you can. thank you.
in the future, we will have more and more leisure time as machines replace many of the tasks we do at home and work. Discuss the benefits this will bring and also the problem it will cause.


There will be more and more jobs and housework carried out by machines in the future. The issue that we let machines become a part of our lives has both advantages and disadvantages.
First, as for advantages, there has been many benefits from using machines. Machines can deal with numbers of jobs as well as improve our livings. For example, boring works such as cleaning floors and toilets can be swept out of our mind thanks to a cleaning robot. Moreover, robots can be used to do dangerous tasks. With a robot’s assistance, miners don’t have to descend deep under the ground, industrial workers don’t have to touch with toxic chemicals. Another benefit from using machines is that they make our life comfortable. The Bill Gates’ house is a typical illustration of usefulness of devices. It covers both physical as well as spiritual living of his family’s members with modern and automated machines.
Second, though machines can make our life more perfect, it also has a disadvantage of making its users become dependent. People, may be children, don’t know how do a simple work or they don’t want to do it because they think that a machine will do. What people should learn is just how to operate a machine for that work.
In conclusion, machine, product of human intellect, should be applied in wide range of life areas and adjusted to be the most suitable for our lives.

forgetmenot
15-11-2006, 11:50 AM
mumchick nè, ḿnh sửa bài cho bạn, có ǵ cứ ư kiến ư c̣ nhe!! hi hi

Topic : in the future, we will have more and more leisure time as machines replace many of the tasks we do at home and work. Discuss the benefits this will bring and also the problem it will cause.


There will be more and more jobs and housework carried out by machines in the future.
* carried out >> dùng "done " cho đơn giản. Thường chữ "carry out" dùng cho "thực hiện kế hoạch hay chương tŕnh"


The issue that we let machines become a part of our lives has both advantages and disadvantages.
* Dùng chữ issue nghe nó nghiêm trọng wá!! hi hi
>> Rewrite nè : That machines become a part of our lives has both ....


First, as for advantages, there has been many benefits from using machines.
Bỏ bớt cụm as for advantages , câu sẽ ngắn và hay hơn. (benefits dĩ nhiên là advantages rùi)


Machines can deal with numbers of jobs as well as improve our livings.
* job = career . Bạn nên xài chữ "tasks" :)
* living = uncountable noun >> không có "s"

The Bill Gates’ house is a typical illustration of usefulness of hi-tech devices.


It covers both physical as well as spiritual living of his family’s members with modern and automated machines.
Câu này ḿnh ko hiểu ư bạn lắm. Có thể clarify cho ḿnh ko?

* People, may be children,... >> maybe

mumchick
16-11-2006, 07:18 AM
Thanks Forgetmenot. I always glad to see responses, especially from you.
Ḿnh mắc phải lỗi hay dùng từ to tát, không hợp văn cảnh nhi. Tại ḿnh bị ám ảnh là phải dùng từ formal mừ:rolleyes:
Câu "It cover...."ư tớ là mấy cái máy đó có thể làm phong phú đời sống vật chất và tinh thần cho mọi thành viên trong gia đinh. Câu này tớ viết lơ mơ thật, tớ thường phải vắt óc cho cái control idea mà nghe vẫn không xuôi. Give me a suggestion nhe