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hoanghuykhoi
10-10-2006, 10:45 PM
Written by: HOANG HUY KHOI Date: Tuesday, October 10, 2006


Some people believe that advertising is generally helpful and others believe that it is generally harmful. Discuss your ideas of the good or bad effects of advertising.



In this modern age of community, there is not only many industries manufacture directly but there are also some industries that help to consume the products indirectly. One of them is the advertising industry. There are many opinions about the effect of the advertising industry, some people think it is generally helpful and others believe that it more harmful. And here is my opinion.
Living in this age, anybody in the world can feels the powerful development of the advertising industry. For me, the advertising industry really helpful, especially for the consumers. When they watch the advertisement, the producer would provide the consumers a large amount of the product’s information like its benefits, its quality .In addition, the consumers can use the free trial of the product, so they could know exactly about the quality of the product and they could compare with others to give the best choice.
The biggest subject of the advertising industry is the TV viewers, newspaper readers…. The quality advertising would bring about much impression; excite the curious, the hobbies to the consumers; from there, it would stimulate to consume the product. For example, children would be excited about the colorful products, the cute toys attach to the products, from there, and they will have their parents buy them that product.
There are also many helpful reasons of the advertising industry. The advertising industry is also a large promoter of many services like entertainment, communication…. For that very reason, we can watch some free TV channels, read daily newspaper at a low price. In addition, in many cities, advertising helps them more colorful, more magnificent with many huge advertising boards, many colorful bright lights….
Some people think that advertising is noisy, uncomfortable for viewers but for me, that is a big misunderstanding because the managements whom didn’t control the rules strictly make that fault. It is not the property of the advertising industry and that fault could be fixed easily. For any reasons, i am convinced that advertising is generally helpful nowadays.



Thank you so much for reading my essay!!!!

forgetmenot
11-10-2006, 10:49 AM
I'd like to correct your writing as follows:
- Inappropriate words >> mark Bold and my suggested words to replace are put in ()
- Redundant Words >> mark yellow, which should be deleted
- Red words >> spelling mistakes
- Blue >> word use, or should rewrite the sentence to be more effective



Written by: HOANG HUY KHOI Date: Tuesday, October 10, 2006


Some people believe that advertising is generally helpful and others believe that it is generally harmful. Discuss your ideas of the good or bad effects of advertising.



In this modern age of community, there is (are)not only many industries thatmanufacture directly but there are also some industries that help to consume the products indirectly. One of them is the advertising industry. There are many opinions about the effect of the advertising industry, some people think it is generally helpful and others believe that it ismore harmful. And here is my opinion.
Living in this age, anybody in the world can feels (feel) the powerful development of the advertising industry. For me, the advertising industry is really helpful, especially for the consumers. When they watch the advertisement, the producer would provide the consumers a large amount of the product’s information like (such as) its benefits, its quality .In addition, the consumers can use the free trial of the product, so they could know exactly about the quality of the product and they could compare with others to give the best choice.
The biggest subject of the advertising industry is the TV viewers, newspaper readers…. The quality advertising would bring about much impression; excite the curious (couriousity) , the hobbies to the consumers (idea is good, but should rewrite in more effective way) ; from there, it would stimulate to consume the product. For example, children would be excited about the colorful products, the cute toys attach (attached) to the products, from there, and they will have their parents buy them that product.
There are also many helpful reasons (effects) of the advertising industry. The advertising industry is also a large promoter of many services like entertainment, communication…. For that very reason, we can watch some free TV channels, read daily newspapers at a low price. In addition, in many cities, advertising helps them more colorful, more magnificent with many huge advertising boards, many colorful bright lights….
Some people think that advertising is noisy, uncomfortable for viewers but for me, that is a big misunderstanding because the managements whom didn’t control the rules strictly make that fault. It is not the property of the advertising industry and that fault could be fixed easily. For any reasons, i am convinced that advertising is generally helpful nowadays.



Thank you so much for reading my essay!!!!

forgetmenot
11-10-2006, 10:54 AM
Your essay is quite good. Be more careful to the use of verb and noun. Ideas are pursuasive but should be organised in a clearer way. Some sentences may cause confusion...

In short, in my opinion, if you dont mind, you can help correct other mem's essays to improve your writing as well. :)

Well done, keep it up !

hoanghuykhoi
11-10-2006, 03:59 PM
thank you so much angain fo reading my essay!
but how about the mark?
can you mark it for me? thank you!

hoanglinh7
12-10-2006, 03:37 AM
In some "how to write" type of books, they suggest not to use expressions like: this is...., it is..., threre is..., there are... In my opinion, for example instead of :

"In this modern age of community, there is (are)not only many industries thatmanufacture directly but there are also some industries that help to consume the products indirectly"

I suggest:
"In the modern era, the industries that help to sell the products are as important as the industries that manufacture the products. "

This sentece :" When they watch the advertisement, the producer would provide the ...." doesn't make sense. You can change it to: "By watching a product advertisement clip, people learn....about the product."

What do you think?